She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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