the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
