i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
