quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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