bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
