he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
love makes seman taste better
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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