i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
