so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
