You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
