Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
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