insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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