i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
