Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
