Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
