At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
