I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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