Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
