If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wish you could order shots online.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
