you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
