My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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