If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
