I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
