the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
