do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
