maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
