with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
