you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
