Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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