That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
