Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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