she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
