I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
