I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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