I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
