Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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