You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
