I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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