I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
