Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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