do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
