Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
