Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
