I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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