This beer is not sobering me up at all
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
