My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
