So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
