got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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