Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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