she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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