He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
