Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
