your parents love me but you hate me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just gift wrapped bread.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
