Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Everclear isn't food dammit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
