i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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