Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
