Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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