happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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