I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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