Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
