I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
