marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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