i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
